The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
