In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize