there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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