i barfeds in our rink
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
