So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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