i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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