SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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