My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
