....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
