Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
