I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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