You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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