ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
