I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
