Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
