My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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