"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
