its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
