She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
