Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
