Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
