3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
