You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
