I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my being single is dangerous.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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