During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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