The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
