never play flip cup with pint glasses
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
