Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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