my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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