I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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