My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
