There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
