I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize