I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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