you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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