he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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