my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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