it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
handjob tips. give me some.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So vagazzling was a success
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
