Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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