well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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