Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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