3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
