Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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