That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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