dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize