It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your cock deserves a montage
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
