i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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