i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
