I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
