Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
