my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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