i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
