Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
