It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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