just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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