You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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