today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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