then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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