so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
