Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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